The Dating Triangle

A friend of mine recently announced that there were no decent women in Sydney.

"What are you talking about?" I scoffed. "There's a Man Drought."

"It's not a shortage of women," he clarified, "it's a shortage of decent women."

And what is a decent woman I hear you ask? Turns out there's an equilateral triangle for that.

I've written before about the Fatal Flaw--that thing the perfect guy has or does that's a deal-breaker-- but this puts it into pictorial perspective.

"I've come to the realisation that you can't have it all in a relationship," she a girlfriend who recently started dating her swimming instructor. "Why do we expect one person to give us everything? My guy might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but he's nice and he's really hot." I guess that's why we call him Hot Pool Guy.

She might be on to something.

Matt over at The Modern Savage actually ran a survey to see what people thought, and the findings are possibly unsurprising:

Men would overwhelmingly sacrifice intelligence in a woman, while women are happy to settle for intelligence and emotional stability, and give up the good looks.

So ugly guys and dumb girls are in with a chance, but if you're batshit crazy, then you're going to die alone.

Having thought about this from every conceivable 45 degree angle, it's hard for me to choose which quality I'd give up. But I think, if I absolutely had to, I would sacrifice the intelligence. It's no good if he can read me Dostoyevsky if I never, ever want to him naked.  If it's an intellectual challenge or witty repartee I'm in need of, I have work and friends. No, when it comes to stimulation in relationships, it's not the mental kind I'm looking for first.

How about you? What would you give up?

How to tell if he's a keeper

A friend of mine recently watched the movie 28 Days Later with her boyfriend, and they ended up having the following conversation:
(for those unfamiliar with the movie, it's about surviving a zombie apocalypse)

Him: Man, why is he going back? He should be running as far away in the opposite direction as he can.
Her: He's going back for the girl. She's still there, maybe getting turned in to a zombie!
Him: She's probably already a zombie by now.
Her: Yeah, but he has to be sure. Are you saying that if I was possibly a zombie, you wouldn't come and at least TRY and rescue me?
Him: (joking) Babe, if you turned into a zombie I'd have to kill you! It's the only way...
Her: (very much NOT joking) I always knew you were a selfish jerk, but now I have proof!
Him: Proof? It's a zombie apocalypse! And besides, where are you? If you aren't a zombie then why aren't you trying to find me?
Her: This is the last time I ever do anything nice for you, because it's clear that you don't even love me that much.

I've had similar arguments. I had one boyfriend tell me, "I love you, but I'm not going to avenge your death if that's what you're asking." Well, I wasn't asking that, but now that we're on the topic, why wouldn't you? If I was murdered, I'd want my lover to devote his life to bringing my killer to justice. Sound demanding? Well, I'm prepared to put the same offer on the table.

The thing is, I don't want a mate who's only in it for himself. I want to know that he's going to be there when it gets tough, or scary. I want to know that when I turn into a zombie (usually when I'm stressed and haven't had any sugar that day), he's not going to run away. I want to know that he would do anything to secure my happiness, and sometimes, that means doing stuff that's difficult, or scary or just plain inconvenient.

Another friend of mine recently had a baby, and she said that once you have a kid, things can get real ugly, real fast. You need to make sure you're with someone who is there for you in a crisis.

In the absence of a baby, if you're trying to figure out if the guy you're dating is a keeper or not, maybe you just need to ask yourself, 'What would he do in a zombie apocalypse?' And if the answer is 'Run away', they maybe that's exactly what you need to be doing, right now.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Being single on V-Day means you get to choose your own chocolate. And everyone knows holiday candy is not included in the calorie count.

What did you get/buy yourself today?

There will always be another one

Friday thought

Sex with the ex

A friend of mine recently came out of a long term relationship.

"It's over, it's definitely over," she lamented, knocking back gin like a sailor on shore leave.

"Good for you!" I cheered. "A clean break is exactly what you need!"

"Errr....yes," she agreed tentatively. "I guess so. Except..."

Except.

Despite the fact that their relationship was surely, definitely Over, they were still sleeping together.

As it turns out, this girlfriend is not alone. An extremely unscientific poll of the women I know concluded that almost all of them, at some stage, had sex with an ex.

"Every relationship has a mourning period," explained one friend. "And as you go through the stages from grief to acceptance, sex helps you get closure."

And then there's the thrill. One girlfriend gushed, "It was the best sex I've ever had. Even better than when we were together. It's sort of illicit and exciting, so it's like a passionate one-night stand with someone who knows what turns you on."

Yet when I asked all of them how sex with the ex turned out, the universal answer was 'Badly.'

It's easy to get closure if there's a clear reason for the break-up. Like if he's abusive. Or there's someone else. But sometimes, the end is a long time coming and the cumulative effect of many small things. There is no one reason why it ends, no single reason to walk away except a belief that it isn't going to work.

And regardless of how it ends, rarely do we simply, abruptly stop loving someone. So as we wean ourselves off love, we also have to wean ourselves off our lovers.

"It's just hard to go cold turkey," was how one girl put it.

However, when women orgasm, their bodies release a hormone called oxytocin (also known as the 'cuddle chemical') that makes them believe that that man they just shagged is their perfect mate. Naturally, the more sex, the more oxytocin, the more deluded you become.

Men also release it, but in far, far smaller doses. Which is why they are able to separate the sex from the relationship you once shared.

I guess this means that hard as it is, perhaps going cold turkey is better than being the turkey getting stuffed.

So ladies, the lesson here is that if it's closure you want, it's definitely best to start with your legs.